The 5 Stages of Internet Stupid

It’s been awhile since I’ve made a post. Turns out I was just waiting for the right topic. Arguing on the internet has been going on since the dawn of time. Well at least it’s been going on since you used your dial up modem to connect to a local BBS to start fights in between playing Legend of The Red Dragon (Boy did I just date myself or what). And you know what, arguing on the net is fine. People have been arguing for millennia, and now it’s moved into the digital world. But with it, come new tactics and strategies. We’ll go over those now in what I like to call “The 5 Stages of Internet Stupid”.

Tactic 1: The E-Lawyer

It’s the internet, so of course everybody is rich, beautiful, all the females are actually females, and of course. Everybody has a lawyer. E-lawyers have been around since the dawn of the internet and are best ignored. Here are some examples of awesome E-Lawyers. Example 1, Example 2. Now really, nobody is going to e-sue you. Most lawyers would look at the case somebody brings to them and laugh hysterically. If you do get e-sued it’s because the actual lawyer is a sadist and wants to extract as many billable hours as possible from their idiot client. The Judge however, will not get billable hours and tell all parties involved to fuck off. Most often, you’ll be threatened with an e-lawyer for slander, which is fucking hysterical because slander is spoken and libel is written. But if you correct them then the e-butthurt party will get completely furious.

Tactic 2: The Detective

The Detective is a creepy fucker. When you offend them, they will make efforts to find your Real World information in an attempt to intimidate you. They often employ this tactic when they actually have no counter argument, have been caught being a dick, and are now just lashing out for revenge. Some classic cases of this can be remembered from the old days of Second Citizen. Recently however, a blogger we call Voldemort has been bringing this particular brand of nutfuckery into style again only to be laughed off the internet and wondering where her views have gone. Now, this tactic does work on occasion. However, it does not work on people, who live in Texas, or people who own guns, or anybody who lives in a state with a Castle Law. Because really, Castle Laws are not stalkers friends.

Tactic 3: The E-Chuck Norris

Of all the tactics, this one is the lamest. Threatening to e-sue somebody, or reveal RL info is one thing. However, threatening to physically beat somebody up because of an internet argument is completely stupid and doesn’t help your case at all. It just makes you look like another typical internet tough guy and your mocking will just increase. Never use this tactic, it’s not funny, it’s boring, and it just blows any credibility or further defense out of the water.

Tactic 4: The Posse

Holy crap are you mad!! You have just been the most butthurt you’ve ever been on the net and by god you’ll do something about it! Except, what you will do is get all your e-friends to look at the offending words and then you’ll get them to post about their outrage on the forum/blog/plurk/twitter wherever. This tactic is a complete headache with a high chance of it backfiring, especially if you’re in the wrong. This one is especially annoying because your friends will send private messages to the offender, they’ll send note cards, and they’ll send anything they can think of and in general just be douche bags. This will backfire however if you push your friends too hard and in the fickle world of the internet you may find some of your friends agreeing with the offender and now you’ll have more people mocking you.

Tactic 5: The Commenter

The Commenter isn’t actually part of the drama; instead they’ll post about how stupid this all is. They may even be so witty as to add a lolcat. Perhaps they’ve been hurt by the offender before and are now trying to exact their mewling revenge by mucking about your blog or threads. The best commenter’s however, are the ones talking about how all this drama is beneath them. Which is funny, because they’ve been reading it all this time and they sure as shit found time to comment on it in a vain attempt to make themselves somehow seem above it all and superior. The Commenter is a hypocrite, and at most deserves the occasional fuck off and die. Otherwise, feel free to ignore them for everybody knows exactly how sad and stupid they are.

So, there you have it. The 5 Stages of Internet Stupid. You’ll see this over and over again on forums, blogs, and social networks, anything on the internet really. It’s boring, it’s sad, and it’s repetitive. But people will keep doing it because as of yet there is nothing new under the sun, or new about arguing on the internet.

Vampiria Radio has a case of stupid

Recently, on Serra Anansi’s blog “The Seneschelf Speaks” she did something nice. She paid a compliment to an internet radio station that she was listening to called Vampiria Radio. She warned of the slightly graphic pictures on their site and all was good. That is where the normal tale ends and it takes a sharp nosedive into completely stupid. It turns out; Vampiria Radio does not like it when you pay the compliments. They got offended, have threatened to e-sue and other such goodness. Yes, I said all of that correctly. It’s like somebody soaked Encore in water rich with lead and then fed her dumb pills after midnight lately. No good deed goes unpunished; if you pay them a compliment they will sue you.

Now, I listened to this radio station for a good half hour. And I’m sorry, but apparently they confused Goth with emo ren faire asshole. It mostly consisted of a harpsichord, a violin, and a flute and some dude “Singing” in the background. The station breaks are awesome. Basically it’s some soft music while some asshole pretends he’s Vincent Price and quotes some shitty Goth poetry he found on geocities. Also, they keep flashing “Stream Rippers will be banned”. Yes, people will rip your stream you idiots, only if they happen to run out of sleeping pills.

But why should we be surprised? This follows an internet pattern I discovered years ago. 98% of the stuff with the words “Vampire” in it or with the word “gothic” in it suck ass. It’s usually some retarded teenager sitting in his room wearing eyeliner and reading some bullshit Wiccan book while his mom yells at him to take out the trash. But hey, whatever appeals to your dork and gawffic soul right?

Seriously?

(This was going to be long. But frankly I barely care.)

But fucking seriously? This is the way to go? This is one of the most retarded fucking things I’ve seen on the internet and I’ve been around for awhile. Can you people just not let shit go? Are you that bored sitting at home taking care of the screaming fuck trophies? Oh yes, let’s make a talking Sands toy in SL. That will sure let everybody know how mad we are. Give me a fucking break. I barely like the guy and even I think its complete bullshit. I mean, you follow Tenshi around plurk doing your little fucking harpy dances after she deletes shit to let it die. Seriously, you people are like what? 40 something? Grow the fuck up. You crazy old bitches are not entertaining, fuck at this point I’m barely qualifying you as human.

And in case you grow typically vapid and go “What are you talking about Dancien?” here it is.

http://www.plurk.com/p/f8auo

http://www.plurk.com/p/f7lk5

http://www.plurk.com/p/f5xyc

http://www.plurk.com/p/f3ndp

http://www.plurk.com/p/f08ia

http://www.plurk.com/p/f084b

http://www.plurk.com/p/f48v7

http://www.plurk.com/p/evf3z

So really, just shut the fuck up and move on already. This goes for you too Sands. Just shut up, move on and quit giving the menopausal assclowns ammo. Now, I’m not the most mature human on the planet. But even I have my limits. If you fucking idiots want to continue this “Crusade against the Evil Sands” then maybe you should roll your middle aged fat asses to the Teen Grid where that shit might be acceptable.

Jesus, this shit cost me a dungeon run in WoW. You stupid cunts should be punished.

A Small DJ Manifesto

I first began DJing in Second Life in 2006. Freshly noob I was hired as a dance at a club called Bacchus. From there it was a short trip to DJ. The following is a list of stuff that pisses me off about DJing in Second Life. And a list of things that also piss me off about DJ’s in Second Life. I like to call it The DJ Manifesto.

Stuff that generally makes me stabbity as a DJ:

• It’s a theme night. You may not fucking request whatever is the complete opposite of that genre
• Artist and Name please. Not “Hey you know that one song that goes blah blah blah” Chances are I won’t know it and I’ll be disinclined to look for it
• Requests are a privilege not a right.
• “Hoooooooooooooooooooo”*BAM* Shut the fuck up. This goes with howls and every other retarded gesture you’ve come up with.
• STOP FUCKING VOICE CHATTING WHILE I AM DJING!
• If you request 6 songs, and the DJ plays all 6 songs, and you don’t tip him. You’re an asshole
• Stop requesting Nickelback you fuckers.
• The song “Bilingual” becomes about as sexy as being ass raped by a wooly mammoth after the millionth time you’ve heard it.
• Requests are to be sent in IM. Seriously people.
• Talking about going to another club because you don’t like the DJ in public makes the DJ want to hurt you.
• Hey Club Owner. Cash in hand before the set please
• If you’re going to pay us hourly, then it is okay to take a small cut of the tips. Otherwise leave our money the fuck alone.

 

Stuff that makes me want to stab a DJ:

• I came for the music. Not to listen to you talk for 30 minutes
• You want me to “Show some love”? I really don’t think you want that
• Asking for tips on air makes you a knob.
• Wolfman Jack was cooler than you will EVER be. Quit with the cheesy voice. Now.
• Try to stay in one area. If I’m going to chase down a DJ to make a request I may chase them with a bat next.
• What I said about the gestures, applies to you too.
• Oh hai there. Do you think maybe you could interact with the crowd a little? I know you brought your little girlfriend of the day, but seriously….
• YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. I could make a playlist in 15 minutes turn on winamp and walk the fuck away.

That being said, some professionalism would be nice. When you’re scheduled to show up somewhere, be there. Do the entire set. When you don’t you make the rest of us look bad.

The Taming of the Crazy

For a short time at least, Second Life is spared the crazy known as Encore Mayne. It seems to be that at roughly 12:44, after finishing a little pleasant IM from yours truly that she decided to get logged off by an administrator. Part of the reason, is supposedly listed by her. Apparently somebody was not upfront about their identification when signing up for SL, or perhaps somebody labeled her underage. But that’s not the important part. Below, is the conversation between myself and CooCooForStalkerPuffs.

[12:24]  EnCore Mayne: …and the point?
[12:24]  Dancien Graves: The point is anybody can get RL info
[12:25]  EnCore Mayne: duh, that’s as good as you got? all wrong mind you
[12:26]  Dancien Graves: You’re not particularly smart are you? Just hoping I’ll slip up so you can feverishly press the AR button?
[12:26]  EnCore Mayne: seems like you people are the rats
[12:26]  Dancien Graves: Oh? Get AR’d lately for being a little nutter? Too bad, so very sad
[12:27]  EnCore Mayne: yeah, pull that one down for us
[12:28]  Dancien Graves: I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten my crazy to regular english dictionary today. Could you elaborate?
[12:28]  EnCore Mayne: is there a point to your nonsense comments?
[12:28]  Dancien Graves: That anybody, eventually can get RL info.
[12:29]  EnCore Mayne: it’s all wrong
[12:29]  Dancien Graves: For now.
[12:29]  Dancien Graves: It may not be soon
[12:29]  EnCore Mayne: oh thank god, we’d all love to be set straight
[12:30]  Dancien Graves: I don’t think you would. I think you don’t even know what straight is. You’ve been too long without your meds
[12:30]  EnCore Mayne: haha, yer pulling from way down low, tell me, what real information are you validating that i’ve posted?
[12:31]  EnCore Mayne: you know you are giving out real information only i know
[12:31]  Dancien Graves: I’m not validating anything actually.
[12:31]  EnCore Mayne: No one knows about kess’s daughter ya know, other than the inner core peeps, any reaction on that simple slip up?
[12:32]  Dancien Graves: Is this why you’ve ramped up the crazy? So sad that everybody is growing bored with you? They’re all just waiting for the next drama-flavor-of-the-month and you my dear are not it
[12:32] Dancien Graves: Who ever mentioned a daughter? Was that you?
[12:32] Encore Maine: you want me to read that back to you?
[12:33] Dancien Graves: Go for it. And in case you feel like turning this into one of your fake chatlogs. I’ve been taking screenshots.
[12:34]  EnCore Mayne: i presume my manufactured reputation precedes me, i’m done with you, don’t bother commenting till you have something people can understand
[12:34]  Dancien Graves: All the reputation you’ve earned from me has been based off what you have said on your blog
[12:35]  Dancien Graves: Oh, Hypocrisy, your name is Encore
[12:35]  EnCore Mayne: look dancien, we know what you’re doing, it’s really nice for you but you don’t have to, no one likes you anyway
[12:36]  Dancien Graves: Nobody has to like me. I do what I do for my own amusement and nobody elses. You however, seem to crave the attention. Hoping if you act out enough people will turn and pity you instead?
[12:36]  EnCore Mayne: oh i know, where are you getting your Sudbury stat?
[12:36]  EnCore Mayne: do i or do i not live where i think i live
[12:36]  Dancien Graves: Proxies are such flimsy things
[12:37]  EnCore Mayne: please let me know MY reality
[12:37]  EnCore Mayne: are you wanting your private information removed from my blog? is that it?
[12:37]  Dancien Graves: Oh, I don’t care if you have my IP.
[12:37]  Dancien Graves: You should remove all of Tenshi’s though. Including that picture
[12:38]  EnCore Mayne: i’m more intereested to know whether you would like that IP removed from the blog
[12:38]  Dancien Graves: As I said, I don’t care. Stalking me does nothing but waste your time. Not mine
[12:39]  EnCore Mayne: would you mind my posting that last line?
[12:39]  Dancien Graves: Which line was that?
[12:39]  EnCore Mayne: gimme a quote saying you don’t mind having your IP posted
[12:40]  Dancien Graves: You’ve already done it. So what would the point of a quote be?
[12:41]  EnCore Mayne: i was just wondering what you personally felt about having your private information splashed all over the internet
[12:43]  Dancien Graves: Actually, I would mind if you had my IP addy
[12:44]  EnCore Mayne: i have it, do you want the entire internet to have it?
[12:44]  Dancien Graves shrugs
[12:44]  EnCore Mayne: meh

 

Please, by all means note the bold and underlined text. Bonus points for saying how she fucked up. If you said “Threatening to reveal my RL info via SL IM” you would be absolutely correct. Bad move Crazylady.

 

Also, I didn’t have your RL location. I knew a general area, which I used in blog comments to your blog to cause exactly this; I guess one of them got close to home. Rattle your little birdcage did I? But you know what? I’m going to give you a chance to make amends. Stop threatening or trying to reveal people’s RL information be it accurate or not. Failure to do so will result in such fun and games I can’t even possibly begin to describe the pleasure I’ll take in it.

And now to dispel some myths:

1: The DL Encore posted on her blog appears to be a fake. Nice black background on the cutjob (Anybody know a scanner than leaves a black background)

2: Cristiano and Tenshi are two separate people. One has a nice set of tits. The other, not so much.

3: Encore Mayne is in fact a complete moron.

What not to wear: Encore Mayne and Shiva Borkotron

Oh, Hi kids. Dancien Graves here with “What not to wear”. It was brought to my attention that Princess Crazy was hanging out at a popular store. So of course I had to investigate. What I arrived to shocked me.

Yep. that’s the one, the only Encore Mayne. Note the facelights. Because Noob skins need highlighting.

ALERT: Crazy “Fashionista” in Freebie Clothes. ALERT

I’m starting to think it’s a unitard of some sorts. Also, Encore dear….having the freshly fucked hair-do implies somebody would actually touch you.

Onto our next subject. Somebody on SLU made a post about a couple about to start fucking at Miriel Enfield’s store. Vertigo said something and the dude left. The “Stripper” though didn’t and started giving her shit. Let’s take a look shall we?

She had a dancer tag. I forget which club. But seriously, is there some ET Head fetish out there I am not aware of?

For a good time call….”OH FUCK I’M SOBER!! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!”

At this point it becomes unclear whether to mock or to run away in abject terror.  I’m puzzled by the boots. Mostly horrified by them. But seriously, that much metal? How is she even walking?

So this concludes what not to wear. Encore, if you respond do be a brave girl and try not to use a IP mask like you usually do.

Dear Content Thieves, Busted.

Okay, let me preface this blog entry with a little random blabbering. I always intended Brutal to be a bullshit blog. Basically I was going to just kinda rant away about shit that pissed me off about the SL in general. You were going to laugh and either agree with me, or tell me to die in a fire. Whatever, it was cool with me. Last night I was hanging around and doing this and that and then a friend IM’d me. This friend has only been in SL for roughly a month and was still learning the ropes. Turns out she was given a series of folders containing female skins, hair, and shoes. She then sent them to me last night as she was told full perm stuff is usually stolen. Turns out, this stuff is indeed very stolen. Now, I know what you’re saying: “Well yeah Dancien, content theft is everywhere in SL”. You would be correct. However, as I am told by Iris Seale I have stumbled upon a rare event. I have names. People listed as creators. So, I happily began to take snapshots and now is where the fun stuff begins.

Now, I’m new to the whole photoshop thing still and the wordpress thing. So the pictures may appear a bit small. For that, you have my apologies. Also, I blurred out my inventory except for the relevant stuff because frankly, the stuff I legally get it none of anybody’s business. Anybody who has known me in Second Life knows I’m on the up and up (Fuck, I deleted every Minnu skin I own when that shit came out and I liked those) when it comes to content theft. If any of the creators who have stuff that has been ripped off and shown want the folders, they just have to shoot me an IM, email, whatever. I’ll be happy to send it to them. I will be deleting all this stolen crap from my inventory in 48 hours.

The list of people who are listed as creators but aren’t:

ETD – Jas Ebbage
Cheyenne – Tesni Rabeni
Laqroki – Monie Hancroft
Cake – Kim Joyce

Magika- xHoneYx Westland
Detour – Kim Joyce
Kia Black – Thane Bravin
Bubblegum – Thane Bravin
Zhao Shoes – Kim Joyce
ND-Skin – Dejon Coffey

The Celestial Studio Skins and the one other Naughty Designs skin did not have creators listed. I guess they had been banned previously, or SL was being a douche.

If anybody wants the original pictures (full size in 1600xsomethingorother glory) I’ll post them on photobucket or flickr or somewhere. Just ask.

Dancien, out.

Thanks for ripping me off.

Apology was recieved and things are worked out. Nothing to see here. Move along.

The State of SL Men’s Clothing According to Dancien Graves

To clear some things up before I begin my rant. I’ve been in SL for nearly 3 years now. Maybe not with this avatar but I’ve been here. And recently I’ve begun posting on Strange Pixels reviewing male fashion. None of the comments here are endorsed in anyway by Strange Pixels and do not reflect on that blog or the contributors to it.  That being said, let’s begin shall we?

Dear Male Fashion Designers and Male Fashion Bloggers,

Are you fucking high? For years now men have bitched about the selection of clothing in Second Life. Time and time again on SL related forums throughout the internet we have asked “Where can I find good men’s clothing?”. Finally, we are starting to be heard and we are starting to get more and more choices. But about those choices…..not all of us are gay. Not all of us are metrosexual douchebags. Not all of us are Justin Timberlake wannabes. And some of us, maybe more than a few might actually know what we want when shopping for clothing. So cut it the fuck out. Cut it out right now! Stop force feeding us shit no straight man in his right mind would wear. And yeah, I’m kinda looking at you SLmen. While you post gems on occasion most of your stuff scares the crap out of me. Especially with the tagline “How Men Dress in Second Life”. So what called for this rant you might ask? Well this morning I went shopping. Went to the Mad Designs Mall and wandered around. Found some really cool clothes, purchased a great many things and then saw this:

I forget the name of the store. And that’s probably a good thing lest I get some sandy vagina screaming at me. But what part of this outfit screams “Yeah, I’m a guy and I’d totally wear that!” Here is your answer: Not a damn thing.  This is an epidemic in my opinion that needs to be stopped. No more of this multicolored suits with pink tennis shoes bullshit. Guys don’t wear Uggs.  As far as jeans go….put the waist band where it fucking belongs. Despite the apparent common belief, we do not wear jeans so low you can see our pubes and are in danger of our peckers falling out. I should not have to have an underwear layer for my shirt just so my stomach isn’t showing like some turned out prison bitch. Stop showing suits with tennis shoes. If you’re going to bother wearing a suit do it right and quit fucking around with this Miami Vice/Justin Timberlake bullshit.

Now Men of SL. This is not license to go willy nilly with the macho straightness. You need to help too. Allow me to give you a few pointsers since I’m feeling charitable. Quit maxing out your fucking sliders!!! You’re not fooling a single fucking person. We know you’re not 8′ tall and heavily muscled. It just makes you look like a fucking tool. I want to follow you around SL singing “Gigaaaaannnntoooor” till you get the point. And you ridiculous SL gangstas. Quick fucking it up for the rest of us. We know you’re some half retarded white kid from middle america. You’re blingy bullshit fools nobody! So quit trying to be “hardcore” and quit fucking lagging us out.

My friend just called and made me laugh hysterically so I am trying to get ranty again. You will of course bear with me or I’ll release the dogs. So here are some quick male fashion bitches I have on top of the ones I’ve mentioned.

Neko doesn’t mean you have to dress like a homeless turd

Real goths don’t cover themselves in Spikes and giant fucking capes and call themselves by fancy titles. And if I missed the memo then I am now known as Lord Bunnicula.

Not everybody wants to look like a super model so less defined skins would be awesome.

There are two male hair colors in SL. Black and Brown. There would be blonde and red as well but apparently most skin designers have decided black and brown are it. The Curtains and Carpets do not match. Plus different colored eyebrows are lame.

hoorenbeek is overpriced yet we’ll be forced to shop there anyways (because I love the chucks)

Straight Men, unless goth’d out…….cut it out with the mascara and eyeliner

Loose fitting neck scarves…….wow

Can we have some male hair that looks combed? Brushed? Something?

No Mod. I mean it, some of us realistically shaped dudes hate you for your no mod bullshit.

The lack of flannels (yes I like flannels)

and……I’m done.

Comments? Complaints? Restraining orders? Leave a comment. I won’t edit it like some people. (Yeah Encore, that means you)

The State of SL Address According to Dancien Graves

My Fellow Second Life Residents,

Dancien Graves here with your State of Second Life Address. Second Life is still fucked. Linden Lab is still incompetent. This year we saw Windlight, havok4, and Mono, all of these things were promised to make our Second Life experience better. Is yours? Windlight is great. Havok I guess it okay. Mono? I’ve seen no visible change in my performance. This is the year in which we saw the LDPW formed. An effort by Linden Lab to make us feel better about our collectively unstable experiences by making everything pretty. Instead what happened is that when Bay City went online a horde of Land Barons came in and fucked it up for everybody else. We also saw the banning of SL Banks. A move which was applauded by some, all the scammers however whined incessantly for months and months. Ad Farmers supposedly got smacked around. Mostly it was aimed at the bigger Ad Farm Douche bags like Robo Marx. The greatest chat log ever highlights some of the crying going on. However, I’ve not really seen any of them get taken down. More empty words and promises from SL.

Dazzle is new this year, and if you prefer poorly designed, ugly, Care Bear colored User Interfaces then more power to you. It was another attempt by Linden Lab to lure in new users and make things “easier”. It seems like that’s all that Linden Lab is focused on these days. Dumbing SL down completely and luring in millions of users. Because you know, the current set up is doing so well with 60,000 at a time…right? They even hired a guy from Pixar Howard Look (Howard Linden) to come on in and help make things easier for new residents. I think they’re referring to it as “usability”. Look, Lindens I have the solution to your Usability question. I’ll even give it to you for free. Fix your shit, and I mean fix it for real this time. Not that fake band-aid on a bullet wound bullshit you’ve been selling as solutions.

Sadly Linden Lab, you fall into the perfect definition of one of my dad’s favorite sayings. “If you’re not part of the solution, then you’re part of the problem”. You used to be a good company, you used to listen to your customers, and you used to address issues in a somewhat timely manner. Residents succeeded in virtual business, great art was made, and everybody was having a good time with your help. That was then however, now residents succeed despite you. We don’t want new users to feel better about their experiences here. We want them to deal with it the way they did. This not your typical MMO where it needs to be dumbed down so people will be able to play it. We want you to actually care about us again. And not to run around the internet tooting your own horns about numbers and how RL businesses should come in and purchase from you and have all their meetings inside of it. It’s really not that kind of world. Your residents won’t let it be.

So to surmise, and to make this briefer than I intended because as a Christmas present to you I will not make this the wall of text it was going to be. Here is the year in review…in bullet format.

• SL Bank Ban (Good thing, buh bye scammers)
• Havok4 (Good thing…sorta)
• Mono (No clue it has not made a dent in my SL yet)
• Crashes, inventory issues, snapshot issues, clothing issues, water rendering issues, log ins disabled [Resolved?] The answer is no
• Dazzle (poop on a stick)
• The Lindens have decided to not listen
• OpenSpace Pricing bait and switch (Don’t think I have not forgotten about this.) The residents have not forgotten either. And in the end this will hurt you Linden Lab

If I missed stuff it’s because I’m tired and distracted with 4 cats sitting on my computer staring at me. Sorry